Of Power and Guilt
by Fire.Rose.Black
Summary: Jun thinks about the past school year and his feelings concerning it. End of season 2, JunSho.


I'm back, my lovelies! –people scream and run away- Wait! No! Come back!

Ahem, anyway. Here is the requisite Valentine's Day(bleh!) offering of mine. As I despise the holiday, there is no actual mention of it in the story and it's not even set at the right time of year. Take that, sugar hearts! –blasts-

It uses the sub names (Sub name, from ME! The Queen of Dubbiness! Tis a sad, sad day) and is set after the whole Association of Really Weird Hair thing has just finished. It's way OOC, but I can't help myself.

Yugioh GX belongs to its creators and the whole snow becomes spring this belongs to fruits basket. Apparently, Sho likes girl's manga. Who knew?

-zomgsubnames-

Jun leaned on the porch railing, staring sourly down at the grass. His coat felt tight, uncomfortable. Obviously, he'd grown during that time, that time he said he couldn't remember. He'd said that, but he hadn't been being exactly truthful.

He could remember. Not everything, not even much of anything, but a little. Just a few moments here and there and a feeling of…well, of something. Fear, yes and longing. Anger, a bit of it, and guilt. A lot of confusion and unrest. Over all of it was this fuzzy feeling of power.

He'd felt entitled. He was back in a place he understood- other people bowing down to him, but his actions controlled by another. Saiou had a Plan, like his brothers did, but he actually was able to help Jun follow through in his part. It had felt nice, in a creepy cult kind of way.

"Am I really that weak?" He asked himself aloud. "Am I really pathetic enough that I escape from one set of people that want to control me and run straight into the arms of another? Am I really always just going to be a pawn?"

**No way, aniki! **Ojama Yellow protested, appearing with his two brothers in front of Jun. **You're no pawn- you're the best!**

**Yellow is correct! **Green agreed. **Aniki isn't weak at all! He's Thunder!**

"Oh, cram it, you two." He grumbled, not really feeling like dealing with his duel spirits. "I wasn't talking to you guys, anyway." He added sulkily.

**But, aniki! **Black protested. **They're right! You aren't the pawn of anybody and you're no weakling! We know you're the best-that's why we chose you!**

"You didn't choose me, I found you in a well." Jun replied, waving his hand at the monsters. They squeaked and tried to dodge.

**Not me! You got me as a gift! **Yellow reminded him. Jun slammed his hands together, making all of them disappear, crying.

"Some gift." He muttered. He glared up at the sky, watching as pale wisps of clouds rolled themselves together to form puffs that continued growing. "Hmm. It'll rain later." He muttered. "Good thing, too. Too damn hot out here, if you ask me." He sighed.

"Do you always talk to yourself?" A voice asked from behind him. Jun gasped and whirled. He relaxed when he saw it was only Kaiser's little brother, Sho, looking stupid with his pastel colored hair and yellow jacket.

"What do you want?" He asked testily, not answering the bluenette's question. "The drop-out boy isn't here right now and I don't know where he is. Probably with that Dinosaur freak." Jun sneered.

"Huh? No, I'm not looking for Juudai. Actually, I'm here to find-" Jun snorted and turned around, cutting the other boy off, impatiently.

"Don't care, can't help you. Now scat." He ordered, going back to his study of the afternoon sky.

"But, ah, Manjyome, I-" Again, Sho couldn't finish because he was cut off by a rather irritated Jun.

"Sanda! Manjyome-sanda!" The dark haired duelist corrected angrily, not turning.

"Manjyome-sanda," Sho repeated obediently. "I think that maybe you could help me, because you see, I was-"

"What part of 'I don't care' is so hard to get through your skull?" Jun asked, exasperated. "I'm not going to help you doing whatever it was that you were doing, so shoo before I really lose my temper!" There was a silence and Jun allowed himself to relax, figuring the idiotic twerp had left. He stared moodily at one of the plump white clouds. He couldn't wait until it became big and dark. He hated the color white.

"Manjyome-sanda? Are you, um, alright?" Jun jumped and let out a slightly muffled curse. He turned and glared once more at the younger Marufuji brother.

"Why aren't you gone yet?" He demanded in a threatening voice. Sho squeaked and ducked his head. "And I'm _fine_. Why wouldn't I be? It's not as if stupidity is contagious."

"Well, it's just, ever since you became, you know, you again, you've been acting kind of, um, distant?" It was a statement, but Sho picked up his tone at the end as if it was a question. Jun pinned the boy with a cold look.

"Um, hello? I'm always distant. It's what I do." He snapped. "I'm absolutely fine, so will you scram already? This conversation is over." To add finality to his words, the pale boy spun back to his railing once more, vowing not to turn again even if Sho started doing the chicken dance.

Thus was he surprised when, instead of leaving or doing the chicken dance, the tiny Ra student instead took up a spot next to him and leaned against the railing in a sort of bizarre copy of Jun's own stance.

"What are you doing?" He hissed, annoyed. "Didn't I tell you I was done talking to you?" Sho didn't look at him but instead glanced at the sky where Jun's glance had been previously fastened.

"I wasn't talking to you." The boy said amiably. "I'm just standing here, enjoying the view. I can do that, right?"

"Well, I guess so." Jun allowed, off put by how the usually wimpy teen wasn't letting himself be intimidated and confused by why the boy was still here even after it had been made completely obvious that he wasn't going to get help with whatever it was that he wanted to do.

He went back to looking at the clouds, but Sho's presence made him feel uneasy. He kept sneaking looks at the smaller teen, waiting for him to say something or do something annoying, but it didn't come. The brat actually seemed to just want to enjoy the view like he said. It was disconcerting.

"So, um. You must be glad that Juudai's back." He said awkwardly, desperate to end the strange silence. Since the drop-out boy had disappeared at the same time as when he'd become White Thunder, he hadn't really noticed the idiotic boy' absence, but Sho probably had.

"Oh, yes! I am very happy that my aniki has returned!" The bluenette replied. A quick glance showed that the boy's silver eyes were shining joyfully. Then he turned and their eyes met for a brief second before Sho hurriedly turned away once more. "I am very happy that everyone who left is back." He said softly, cheeks pink.

"I, uh, but, ah." Jun felt a weird feeling in his chest while the implications of Sho's words and blush sunk in. then he shook his head- he was being delusional and stupid. "Er, yes. You must have missed Asuka and Misawa a lot as well when they were in the Society of Light."

"I missed everybody." Sho said firmly. Jun took in a quick breath, let it go and clenched his hands in annoyance at both himself and the boy standing next to him.

"Stop doing that!" He shouted. Sho turned to him with his innocently curious silver eyes wide with worry.

"Stop doing what, Manjyome-sanda?" He questioned, confusion written all over his face.

"Stop saying stupid awkward comments that make it seem as if you missed me!" Jun ordered angrily. His knuckles were white from clenching the railing tightly. When he noticed, it only made him angrier.

"But I did miss you!" Sho argued, cheeks slightly pink. "Isn't it a good thing to know you were missed?"

"No! Well, yes, but, ugh! You don't get it!" Jun yelled, thrusting himself back from the porch railed and glaring at the object of his anger who was staring at him anxiously.

"Don't get what?" Aforesaid object implored. "Please, I didn't mean to make you angry! I don't understand."

"I know you don't! _I_ just don't understand why you can't realize that it's all my fault!" He finally ceded, slate eyes flashing angrily.

"What's all your fault?" Sho asked, clearly unable to follow Jun's train of thought and catching on to the last piece of information.

"Everything!" Jun snapped, waving his hand to indicate the whole campus. "All this Society of Light crap! If I hadn't gone, if I hadn't given in, if I hadn't been so damn weak, none of this would have happened!" He closed his eyes and turned away. Had he really said that all out loud? How stupid was he? "Go away, Sho." He grumbled, voice softer than before.

"Nobody else really thinks it was your fault, you know." Sho said. Jun just pressed his eyes further shut, as if that would block out the smaller boy's voice. "We don't think you were weak. It's not as if Asuka or Daichi or any of those other kids did any better. You were the first one to get out from his control, too."

"Yeah, with that stupid drop-out boy's help!" Jun retorted bitterly. "Besides, it's not the same at all. Saiou converted me, but I'm the one who dueled all the others! If I hadn't met him and dueled him like he asked, if I hadn't just given up like the perfect little weakling pawn that I am-"

"He would have just found someone else." Sho finished. "Saiou was being controlled, too, remember? If you had won and walked away, he wouldn't have given up. He'd have just gotten some other student to fill your position."

"But the point is, he didn't _need_ to do any of that! He didn't have to because I just gave up! I just caved in and let him do what he wanted and nothing you can say can change that, okay?" He shouted, voice cracking desperately. "Will you please, please go away now?" Jun hated losing control like this, he hated that Sho was witnessing it, he hated it!

A few minutes past in silence before Sho spoke up again.

"Do you know what I read in a book, once?" He asked and continued without waiting for Jun's reply. "What does snow become when it melts?"

"Water, of course." Jun managed to answer tiredly.

"No. It becomes spring." Sho replied. Jun blinked, and chook his head slightly, wondering if he had heard the bluenette's words incorrectly or something.

"That doesn't make any sense." He retorted practically. "Snow is a type of weather brought on by the crystallization of water in the air. Spring is a season caused by tilt of the Earth on its orbital plane. They don't relate at all."

"You can't think about it a practical way." Sho admonished him. Jun could practically hear the frown in the boy's voice. "But, you know, I don't agree. When snow melts, it doesn't become spring. Do you know what I think it becomes?"

"What?" Jun finally asked, realizing that unless he played along to Sho's little game, the boy would never leave him alone. He stiffened when a pair of yellow-clad arms wound their way around his waist.

"It becomes Thunder."

-zomgsubnames-

There you are, dahlings. Have a fun Valengrime's Day and don't let my hate for it get you down.

And in case you were wondering, Sho was sent to find Jun, ergo why he needed Jun's help with it.

Until I hobble to my computer again,

Rose


End file.
